When You Can’t Fix Them… Love Them! By Ann Albers

Hi All,

Today, the angels address a topic several of you have asked about over the years—what to do when we want to help someone who doesn’t want the help we offer? We’ve all known and loved people who won’t care for themselves, like to complain, cause their own problems, and don’t believe in angels. Read on if you want to hear the angels’ perspective on how to be of true service even if a person doesn’t want a bit of advice or the suggestions you offer. I’ll offer concrete examples and tips as always.

Have a blessed & beautiful week 🙂
♥ Ann

Message from the Angels

My dear friends, we love you so very much,

Each of you on this list has a heart that cares, a mind that wants solutions, and a spirit that loves to be of service to others. We are not speaking of martyrdom, or the kind of service that requires you to put aside your own heart, but rather the kind of service in which your joyful, caring, shining light becomes an inspiration and a guide for others.

With your confident belief in another, you can help ignite their own confidence.

With your unconditional love, you can inspire them to find ways to love themselves more.

With your willingness to experience and explore what gives you joy, you implicitly give them permission to do the same.

When you share what works in your own life, you demonstrate options that might work in theirs.

Each time you allow yourself to be happy, healthy, connected, or abundant, you stand as a role model for what is possible. You become an inspiration. When you share what works in your own life, you invite others to try your methods or mindset to see what works in their own lives. When you invite your angels to help and help comes, you demonstrate that we exist and we care.

The hardest thing for you all—dear sensitive souls—is wanting to help another who doesn’t want your help, or doesn’t want help in the way you can authentically offer it.

You see a person suffering from physical challenges and know a diet, an exercise, or a healing professional who can almost certainly help them, but they want nothing to do with these things.

You watch someone struggle in their own lives, and you know how much easier yours has become through manifesting, praying, or calling on your angels, but they have no interest in these things.

You see someone as capable, strong, or smart enough to do what they want, but nothing you say can convince them of their abilities.

You see someone struggle with self-fulfilling negative processes. You try to give them pep talks, examples, processes, books, healers, but they insist life or others are the problem.

So many of you have run into these circumstances when, in spite of your best intentions to help, your wisdom, experience, or understanding, another person wants none of what you have to offer. You may have experienced rejection, mockery, or even anger when, with the best of intentions, you’ve insisted you had the answers to their challenges.

Maybe you did.

But if someone does not want what you have to offer, dear friends, you have to accept that they have their own path, their own lessons, their own choices, and their own creations. They will learn the way they want to learn. You can kindly invite them to try your mindset, methods, practitioners, books, etc., but consider it an invitation only. Speak with love. Speak with respect for their journey. “I don’t know if this resonates with you, but when I have this challenge, this has helped me. If you’d like more information, I’m glad to help.” Speak from your own heart, but make the offer an invitation—not a proclamation about what they should do.

There is not a single one of you upon the earth who wants to be told what to do if you haven’t asked 🙂 But most of you are willing to listen to suggestions if they are offered with love. You are willing to weigh them against your own feelings to see if they resonate with you.

Others do too. If what you offer does not resonate with a person’s beliefs, willingness, or worthiness, it won’t work for them no matter how persuasive you try to be. They must believe a practice could work. They must believe they have angels that love them, or at least be willing to test us out, for them to accept our gifts. They must believe they have some control over their life, or even want to believe it, before they will give up victimized thinking. And if you try to make them adopt methods, mindsets, or practices before they are ready to embrace them, even the best of these ideas will not work.

If you want to help those who reject your suggestions, just love them. Love them as they are.

You may not like the fact that someone complains and does nothing about it. That’s ok. You don’t have to listen. Love them as you would a child who feels powerless. Don’t take their complaints so seriously. Get them a cup of soup and soothe them when you genuinely feel like doing so, and when you don’t, tune out or tell them you don’t know what to say. You may be frustrated with someone who has physical problems and does nothing to change. Love them anyway. They may be afraid. Maybe no one helped them feel confident with change. You can treat them kindly.  Maybe you can make them treats within their dietary restrictions. If they need exercise, you can walk with them if they’re willing, and if not, let them sit.

Even when it comes to us, dear friends, many who have been disappointed by humans expect us to behave the same way. As a result, we have limited influence in their lives. Some do not believe in our love. Some want to prove to themselves they can achieve their own results. Some would never admit it, but they don’t feel worthy of help. Some are what you call “control freaks,” and that’s ok. Some are living out a reality that began in childhood—”no one helped them then and no one will now.” They have become so strongly identified with being unloved that it is hard to believe anyone would or could love them as we do.

In all of these cases, pushing these individuals to work with us is not loving. Loving them in a way they can receive it is. And if you cannot authentically share what they are asking for, be honest.

If a person feels loved when you listen to their complaints, and you are tired of listening to their complaints, then let them have their judgments about your love. You know you love them. God knows you love them, and that is enough.

If a person feels loved when you agree that they are a victim and you can’t honestly agree with this, listen, remain silent, say something kind, honest, and neutral, or avoid them. You know you love. God knows you love. That is enough.

In all cases, do your best to avoid judgment, because everyone is doing their best to grow given their current mindset, beliefs, conditioning, and circumstances. You do not have to make up for others’ choices. You can still make your own. You can still have a happy life and joy in your heart even if others choose differently. You can still be healthy even if those you live with are not. You can still be abundant without having to share every dime with those who embrace lack.

Give from a full heart. Share what is authentically joyful for you to share. And then, dear ones, you will give as guided and allow people to experience the results of their choices as well. You need not suffer for those who don’t do the work you have done. In your happier space, you can lift them. As we say often, we’d rather have one in the light than two in the dark 🙂

Let people be who they need to be. Invite them to try what works for you. Gently demonstrate a happy, healthy, elevated life that inspires others without pushing. But in all cases, love them as they are, where they are at. And love yourselves enough to be you too.

God Bless You! We love you so very much.
— The Angels

Message from Ann…

Hi Everyone,

I’m writing this mid-week. It is quiet in the house. Outside, the wind is kicking up again, and there is a slight drizzle. Earlier in the day, the heavens cut loose. Torrents of rain made it nearly impossible to see the road I was driving on, and waves of puddles splashed onto the windshield every time another car went by. My car had slid a bit on an oil slick earlier when it was wet, and I was grateful to be alerted to the fact that I needed to be careful. Breathing deeply, I drove like a Jedi and got home safely.

Things are going right in my life. People I love are on the mend. My eyesight is recovering. I’ve lost much of the extra weight that I was carrying, both physically and emotionally. And I’m loving my life in spite of all that is going on in the world around us.

It can be hard to give yourself permission to be happy when we witness so much suffering. The angels constantly remind me that one person in a good space can do more good than one who joins others in a miserable space. I can help those suffering far more easily when I allow myself to be healthy and happy. When the cup is full, it can “runneth over.”

The heavens aren’t telling us to be happy about another’s pain. They’re reminding us to look for what feels good so we can preserve our own light. If we rely on others’ agreement, acceptance, or validation, we put ourselves at the mercy of their choices.

After watching the angels in action for years, I’ve learned to offer, invite, and step back if what I’m offering doesn’t resonate with someone.

I was in my late twenties the first time I really grasped this concept—that trying to force someone to see things my way and receive the help I thought they needed—was not loving. My husband was sick at the time. I taught Reiki. I knew I could offer him relief. I offered, cajoled, and even started to push a bit. He looked at me, sniffly and tired, and simply said, “I think I got sick because I need rest and I just want to sleep.” He was right. I was pushing a “fix” when he knew exactly what he wanted. I would have robbed him of his rest.

I used to listen to coworkers in my engineering job complain incessantly about their pain or problems. I’d offer solutions that worked for me, only to have them joke about me, tell me I was a freak, or roll their eyes. I’ve had doctors tell me my healing won’t work (great motivation!), and dear ones vehemently defend why my suggestions wouldn’t work for them.  Now I offer once, and back off if they’re not interested.

It isn’t easy for a parent to watch their child struggle to learn to tie their shoes, but that’s how the child will learn. Likewise, it isn’t easy to watch people with problems when we have solutions, but we have to let them learn too.

Here are a few ways to invite rather than push, and to be happy even when your ideas are rejected…

1.  Walk the talk

Put on your oxygen mask first. Be the peace. We’ve heard these sayings. Before you give a bit of advice to someone else, live it. Demonstrate it. Try it out for yourself and see if it works in your own life. And if the conditions don’t apply to you, offer as lovingly as possible from your own happy place.

We can’t tell people to be peaceful while being upset about their anxiety. We’ll just make them feel more judged and anxious.

We can’t tell people to eat better and exercise if we have unhealthy habits. They won’t buy it.

We can’t tell people to call on angels unless we do and truly experience/demonstrate their love. At least if they don’t make use of the advice, we’ll be enjoying the help!

I had a friend who needed to change his diet. He loved food that his body didn’t! So rather than preaching, I made up delicious, healthy recipes that I liked and cooked him one. He loved it. I didn’t tell him how healthy it was until afterward, when he said something like, “I probably shouldn’t be having stuff like this.” My reply: “Actually, you can. This is good for you. If you want more ideas, let me know. I eat this way all the time.” My desire and enthusiasm for healthy AND tasty food helped him realize he could find solutions… if he wanted!

I share my angel stories with anyone who will listen, even if it isn’t their thing. Even the most die-hard skeptics in my life see that something is working. I let them draw their own conclusions about whether they want to call on their angels. I suspect some of them try it in private!

When we walk the talk, others can see our advice in action. And even if they don’t follow it, we’ll be better off.

2. Join Ex-Martyrs Anonymous!

The title is a joke. I used to say I founded that mythical organization! Seriously, a lot of us learned that it is “loving” to put aside our own well-being to support someone else’s. That is a myth. We offer quick fixes, then get burnt out and resentful.  Love, however, is a permanent help. People remember being loved.

If you have martyr training from childhood, you’ll feel you have to give up your life and joy, or resources, for someone who makes bad choices. You don’t. If you give from love, you will be inspired to give when it is a win-win, and uninspired when the dance isn’t balanced.

If you want to help someone but don’t know how to do so without sacrificing your own well-being, wait.  Pray and ask the Divine to show you how to be of service in a way that is good for both.

Sometimes the guidance I get is as simple as sitting and receiving the angels’ love while focused on the loved one’s well-being. Sometimes it is calling back when I have the energy and time to talk. Sometimes it is speaking up kindly but honestly. I now listen to the loving impulses from within rather than “shoulding” myself into martyrdom!

3. Let others walk their own path

Trust that a person’s choices will bring them the growth they need. Looking back, I’ve made some really “stupid” choices in my life, but they’ve been my greatest lessons.

I dated a man for three years. I knew he wasn’t right for me before I started. My friends found the relationship cringe-worthy and told me so, but I learned huge lessons in self-love that now allow me to receive heaven’s help and teach others. There are no bad feelings. We both grew.

As you’ve heard over the years, I took a leap in Tai Chi ages ago that I wasn’t ready to take, injured my foot, and was out of commission for months! Friends wanted to do an intervention, bring me to surgery, and give me a quick fix, but I knew I needed to do the inner work that this situation called for. I needed the downtime to recalibrate my mindset and my life. If I had let my friends give me the quick fix they needed to feel better, I would have missed my growth.

Trust that when you see others struggling, and they don’t want your help, maybe their soul knows they’ve got a lesson yet to be learned. Let them walk the path they choose.

It IS hard to watch others suffer. I spend my days assisting those in pain, grief, or challenge. I get to watch the angels invite people to try their suggestions. They nudge but don’t push. Instead, they prioritize love, acknowledgment, and understanding above all else.

In my personal life, I know many people going through challenges. And many of them don’t resonate with my way of doing things. That’s ok. I can use what works for me and support them in finding what works for them. I know that my “fix” may not be what their soul needs at the time. I find ways to be loving that they can accept. And we both feel better.

As a wonderful country song by Frankie Ballard says, “How am I ever gonna get to be old and wise if I ain’t ever young and crazy?” and “I’ve gotta do a little wrong so I know what’s right / I’ve gotta live a lot of life if I’m gonna give good advice.”

Others have to live their lives too. Invite people to try what has worked for you. Allow yourself to do the things that work for you, and above all, trust the journey 🙂

Have a blessed week,

Love,

Ann