Moments Of Reckoning By Barry & Joyce Vissell

There are moments in our lives that call us to be deeply aware, fully present, and the highest version of ourselves.

For the last years of their lives, my parents lived next door to our family, in an apartment above our garage. One Easter Sunday afternoon, my mother rushed over for help. Barry and I ran back to the apartment with her. We quickly realized the seriousness of the situation. My 82-year-old father, who had always been extremely active and independent, was suddenly close to death. His color was ashen gray, his breathing extremely labored. Barry did all that he could medically while my mother called 911. I sat holding my dad's hand. Without any warning, the moment of death seemed to be upon him. He knew it and I knew it. I looked into his eyes for what I thought would be the last time.

"I love you dad." Unable to speak, he winked back. It was just a moment, a few seconds in time. Yet those few seconds tested me to the very core. I needed to instantly access all the work I had done on forgiving, letting go and opening. In that moment I felt how much I loved my father, and I felt a deep gratitude that I had been able to express that over the years. Though totally shocked at the unexpectedness of the moment, I was grateful for the power of love that surged through me for my father. If I never saw him again, I knew that love had flowed between us at this moment. The mistakes, the misunderstandings, the failures to communicate, were all forgiven. There was only love now.

The paramedics arrived in record time and administered oxygen. Pulmonary embolism (a large blood clot in his lungs) had possibly come within minutes of taking my father’s life. They rushed him to the hospital. His condition was very serious, but he was going to make it.

I have long reflected on that moment of near death. It was totally unexpected and yet it entered our lives with so much power. When a moment like that comes, it cannot be ignored and requires the most of us. How often do we live our everyday lives ignoring the possibility of these moments. A harsh word is spoken to a loved one. Anger is left unresolved. The inner prompting to reach out is ignored. Due to discomfort, neglect or hurry, love is not expressed. And yet the moment of death of a loved one can come so quickly and catch us unaware. We simply cannot take the risk to let anger go unresolved or ignore the prompting to love. The time is now. Experts in grief share that the memory of expressed love brings comfort, while the memory of unresolved or unexpressed feelings brings sorrow. Now is the time to reach out and express your caring and love. None of us can take the chance and wait.

Is there a call you need to make today? A message of simple caring you need to send? Is there a hug or an appreciation that needs to be given? Do it now! You will never regret the outpouring of love. 

About Joyce & Barry Vissell: Joyce & Barry, a nurse/therapist and psychiatrist couple since 1964, are counselors near Santa Cruz, CA, who are passionate about conscious relationship and personal-spiritual growth. They are the authors of 9 books and a new free audio album of sacred songs and chants. Visit their web site at SharedHeart.org for their free monthly e-heartletter, their updated schedule, and inspiring past articles on many topics about relationship and living from the heart. 

Joyce & Barry's Website: https://sharedheart.org/