The Dark Side Of Spirituality: What No One Wants To Admit

We all want spirituality to be a sanctuary—a place of light, healing, and truth. But what if the shadows lurking beneath that light are the parts no one wants to admit? This article dives into those uncomfortable truths, because real growth demands honesty.

We often think of spirituality as a place of light—of comfort, wisdom, and peace. And much of it is. But that’s not the whole truth. What happens when the very spaces meant to heal become places that harm? What happens when the language of Spirit is used to control, bypass, or silence?

This isn’t a call-out. It’s a call inward.

Over the years, I’ve witnessed and experienced moments when spiritual spaces didn’t feel healthy. Sometimes, the harm was subtle: the pressure to be constantly positive, to rise above emotion, to forgive without boundaries. Other times, it was louder: unchecked egos in leadership, manipulation disguised as divine guidance, or spaces that discouraged questions and curiosity.

It took me time to name what I was sensing. I knew something was off, but I didn’t always have the words. And for a long time, I assumed the discomfort was my fault. That maybe I wasn’t evolved enough or committed enough. But here’s the truth I’ve come to understand:

Spirituality is not immune to dysfunction. And in my experience, Spiritualism in particular often draws people who are broken, grieving, or searching for something to hold onto. Spiritual communities are made up of human beings, carrying both light and shadow—and sometimes, that shadow quietly takes root where we least expect it.

Where It Shows Up

Sometimes it looks like spiritual bypassing: a refusal to acknowledge pain, grief, or injustice because "everything happens for a reason."

Other times it looks like power being held too tightly: a teacher or leader who claims absolute authority, dismisses the lived experience of others, or expects loyalty at the cost of self-trust.

It can show up as shame, too. Subtle or direct messaging that tells people they aren’t "high-vibe" enough, or that if something is going wrong, it must be because they didn’t manifest hard enough.

And for many women—especially those of us entering our second season of life—this harm often comes wrapped in spiritual language that tells us to stay quiet, be grateful, and not make waves.

Why We Don’t Talk About It

Because these spaces often feel like home. We’ve built community there. We’ve had real moments of connection and healing. And it’s disorienting to admit that the same space can also carry harm.

There’s also fear: fear of being seen as judgmental or out of alignment. Fear of being labeled difficult or “too sensitive.”

But silence protects dysfunction. Naming it—even gently—creates space for honesty and healing.

What Spiritual Health Can Look Like

A spiritually healthy space honors both light and shadow. It welcomes questions. It doesn’t shame doubt. It encourages boundaries and respects when someone says no. It values collective wisdom over hierarchy.

Spiritual growth isn’t about bypassing discomfort—it’s about walking through it, with honesty and support. It doesn’t ask us to abandon our critical thinking or our emotional depth. It asks us to bring our whole selves to the table.

Navigating the Messy Path of Discernment and Healing

Discerning what’s healthy and what’s harmful in spiritual spaces is rarely straightforward. It’s rarely a clean line between light and dark. Instead, it’s a winding, often confusing path filled with moments of clarity and doubt, hope and fear.

Healing from the wounds caused by spiritual harm doesn’t happen overnight—or in a straight line. Much like the work we do with grief, it’s messy, nonlinear, and deeply personal. Sometimes, the same space that caused pain holds seeds of growth. Sometimes, the very teachers or communities that hurt us were doing the best they could with their own wounds.

This complexity asks us to practice radical compassion—compassion for ourselves, for those who led us astray, and for the parts of us still healing. It asks us to trust our inner guidance while holding space for uncertainty.

Discernment isn’t about perfection or judgment. It’s about learning to listen deeply—to our feelings, our intuition, and our needs—and honoring them. It’s about creating boundaries that protect our spirit and foster genuine growth.

The Emotional Cost of Spiritual Harm

When spiritual spaces turn unhealthy, the damage isn’t just spiritual—it cuts deep into our hearts and minds. The pressure to “stay positive” or “raise your vibration” can leave us feeling isolated with our pain, ashamed for experiencing doubt or grief.

Gaslighting is common in these spaces—where our feelings are minimized, dismissed, or reframed to make us question our own reality. We may be told we’re “too sensitive,” “not spiritual enough,” or that we’re “blocking our own healing.” This manipulation can erode our confidence and deepen our confusion.

Many of us carry silent wounds from these experiences—feelings of confusion, betrayal, and even self-doubt that can linger for years. It can shake the very foundation of our faith and trust in ourselves.

For women in their second season of life, these wounds can be especially tender. We often face societal messages to “be grateful” or “accept your path” without complaint, even when we’re struggling deeply. This can lead to feeling silenced or invisible in communities that were supposed to support us.

Healing requires acknowledging these feelings—not pushing them away. It means giving ourselves permission to feel angry, sad, or scared without guilt. It means finding spaces where our full emotional reality is honored and held.

So Where Do We Go From Here?

We start by trusting what we feel. If a space makes you feel small, shamed, or silenced, pay attention. If you sense imbalance or ego at play, honor that.

We also take responsibility. Not just for ourselves, but for the communities we create and support. We ask better questions. We stay open. We talk about the hard things, not to tear anything down, but to build something truer.

I believe spirituality should lead us deeper into truth—not farther from it.

So let’s keep showing up with discernment. With integrity. With compassion.

Not every teacher is meant for you. Not every circle is healthy. And that doesn’t mean the path is broken. It means we are being asked to walk it with our eyes open.

Together.

About Rev. Colleen Irwin: Rev. Colleen Irwin is a powerhouse of intuition, insight, and inspiration. A natural Medium, she turns whispers from Spirit into wisdom that empowers others.  She is the author of Discovering Your Stream and the upcoming Guided by Spirit, a must-read for those developing their spiritual gifts.

As a business consultant, Colleen blends intuition with strategy to help others succeed. She also teaches, writes, and leads development circles. In addition, she volunteers at the Susan B. Anthony Museum, sharing stories of resilience.  A Previvor since 2019, Colleen knows the power of healing and transformation. She inspires others to trust their gifts, embrace their path, and live their truth.

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