Q&A About Death, For Children As Told By Tom Sawyer

Tom Sawyer was a well-known Near Death Experiencer back in the 80s and 90s. He has passed on now but left this Q&A to share:

Death is the name we give to a confusing passing of life.

We know that plants die in the winter. We know that animals die too.  We understand that nature works this way. However, it is much harder to understand why people die, especially someone we love.  When someone dies it makes us feel sad, lonely, and sometimes even angry.

But learning about this part of life can make us feel much better. Death is when the body stops working and can't be repaired. This learning and sharing will answer most of the questions children ask about death.

* Why do people die?

All living things are a special part of God's natural world. Nature usually gives us long and satisfying lives. Like all other living things, people grow old and reach the end of their life. This is called death, or dying.

Life is like a very long visit. We come from the Light of God. We have a life. Then, when our life is satisfied, we return to God's Light – the spirit of pure love. It's as though the visit is over so we go home to God, which is also called Spirit or Light.

* Where do people go when they die?

People believe that when someone dies, part of that person lives on and goes to heaven. This part is not like any other part of your body. This part is called your 'soul' or your 'spirit'. It's not like your brain or your heart that the doctor has to take care of. It's the part that let's us feel love and happiness. It never gets sick. It never wears out. Most times we cannot see someone's spirit and/or soul. Most times we cannot see heaven either, but we have faith in them. Faith is when we believe in something we cannot see or measure.

* Does it hurt to die?

Most of the time when someone dies, it does not hurt. When someone dies in an accident they often feel no pain because death comes so quickly. Even when someone is sick or hurt for a long time, pain goes away before they die. Doctors and hospitals have special medicines that take away most of the pain. When we die, all of the pain in our own life can go away.

* Why can't doctors and hospitals stop someone from dying?

Many times they do. Yet sometimes, even though they've tried their best, someone dies. People go to the doctor, or the hospitals, to get well. The doctors have learned a lot and help people to get well and live longer than when your grandparents were children. 

Almost always, when people go to the doctor or the hospital, they become healthy and do not die.

* When someone dies, are they being punished?

Death is never a punishment. It is almost always natural. Time wears out important parts of our bodies. After many, many years these parts cannot work any more. People die when these parts, the heart for example, stop working. We are usually born with strong bodies which last a long time.

Sometimes sickness makes them stop working before a person gets old. This is not a punishment though. 

No one dies because God is angry at them. A person dies when an important part of their body wears out and stops working.

* Is death like sleeping?

Death is nothing at all like sleeping. Sleep gives hard working parts of our bodies time to rest and store up strength. Think of how good you feel when you're tired and go to sleep. Think of how good you feel after sleeping. You feel good because your body is rested and ready for another day. When someone dies their body is not resting. It's job is over.

* Why do some people die when they are very young?

Sometimes, but not very often, death comes to a child. Illness can make this happen, so can a very bad accident. A young person's death makes us especially unhappy. We feel that it isn't fair. We feel that everyone should have a long and happy life. We know that we will miss a young sister, brother, or friend more than we might miss anyone else. We may even feel sad because we sometimes fought or argued with that child.

All these feelings are normal. Every young person has them. You must leave room for other feelings too, and remember those other feelings. However, remember that that child was happy most of the time. Even though you wish to have had a longer or better life with your brother, sister, or friend, you will learn from the relationship. Maybe you did argue once in a while, all friends do. Even though that child's life was not as long as yours, it was mostly happy because of having a friend, or brother, or sister like you.

* Of all the people in the world, why did this one have to die? 

Sometimes death doesn't seem fair. Everyone, no matter who they are or where they live, is loved by others. Every person will be missed by others when they die. Right now someone like you is asking the same question, “Why did someone I love have to die?” 

Maybe if you were with that other person you could help them understand that we will all lose someone we love.

* How long will I live?

No one knows how long he or she will live. We do know that we will not live forever. Imagine how crowded the world would be if people lived forever, wow.

We know that when we grow older death gets closer. This does not mean that people worry all their lives about growing old and dying. As we grow old, we learn more about living and dying. The more we learn, the less we have to worry. We know many old people who are very happy. They have learned not to worry about dying.

* How long will you live?  

Probably a long, long time, almost everyone does.

* Grown-ups are big and strong. Why do grown-ups die before they get old?

Most grown-ups are big and strong. They will live until they are very old. Sometimes though, a grown-up's heart or other parts of their body stops working. Being big and strong doesn't always help. It is not the person's fault. It is not God's fault. It is not your fault. 

Remember this: probably no other grown-up you love will die before they become very old.

* Will I ever see someone I loved again, after they've died?

When someone dies they do not come back to life again. It is not the same as a Near-Death-Experience. If someone dies for more than a full day, they will not come back. This is why people become so sad when someone they love dies. They miss the person who is gone.  Right now you may miss someone who has died. Maybe you will always miss them. But you will not always feel sad about it.  You will understand, after a while, that the person may have gone to heaven. Some people think that a person can come back to life after a long time, but I have never seen that.

Someday, a long time from now, you may be in heaven along with someone who died, and you miss.

* How can I stop feeling sad?

It is natural to feel sad when someone you love dies. You may feel lonely. You may feel confused too. Most people, not just children, feel the same way when someone they love dies.

Sadness is something like the pain you feel when you hurt yourself. At first it hurts very much, but it will hurt less each day. Sooner than you think, it will be gone. Then you will be able to think about the person who had died without feeling sad.

Right now you are trying to understand more about death. This will take some of your sadness away. It helps to ask questions. It also helps very much to tell your family and friends how you feel. It helps most of all to not pretend. If you are sad, do not pretend you are not sad. And, if you are not sad, do not try to make yourself feel sad.

* Do people die because they are unhappy?

Unhappiness can sometimes make us feel sick for a while. But almost no one dies because they're unhappy. Remember the times when you have been unhappy? Sooner or later you feel better again. Everyone goes through times like this. But unhappiness has nothing to do with dying.

* Why are people buried when they die?

After people die we place the bodies in cemeteries. This is a gentle way to say goodbye to someone we love. A cemetery gives us a quiet, pretty place to come and think about that person. A visit to a cemetery can bring back pleasant memories.

Sometimes we cremate the body of someone who has died. This is done because the body doesn't work anymore. We then give the body back to nature.

* What are funerals for?

One of the nicest things about being a person is that we are able to feel love for one another. This does not end when that person dies. Funerals are for sharing loving feelings about someone who has died. They give us a chance to remember, along with others, the goodness and joy that person brought to our lives. This takes away some of the sadness that we feel. It also helps us understand how much others care too.

Sometimes we can sense or feel the spirit of the person who has died. It is a good place to say a final goodbye. 

* When I get older will I understand death better than I do now?

As we grow up we learn more about many things in life, not just about death. Think of all the things you've learned already! By the time you are a grown-up, you will have learned much, much more. The more we learn about life, the better we are able to understand the part of it we call death, or dying. It won't be as confusing as it is now. It won't be as hard to talk or think about.

You have already learned some important things about this part of life. You probably won't forget them. What you have already learned will help you all of your life.

About Richard Hughson: Richard Hughson, a machinist by trade, came to understand the many STEs he had experienced since childhood through his friendship with Tom Sawyer. Tom's unique NDE brought him both spiritual responsibilities and the ability to fulfill them. The two remained close friends, traveling the world and goofing around together until Tom’s natural passing in 2007. 

Their adventures included healing the Dalai Lama and a healing by Mother Meera. All have relevance and deep implications for personal growth and the future of humanity. Richard shares the joy of his spiritual growth as a healer through storytelling, hospital clowning, and even as Santa. He leads workshops on Healing with Humor and lectures on Tom Sawyer at spiritual conferences and IANDS chapters across the country. He has authored the Heart-Session Meditations blog for 16 years at https://heart-session.blogspot.com/.